Whacked Out Profit

Published as a separate in the Whacked Out Profit,1914, 65,

EFFECTS OF SLEEP DEPRIVATION IN MIDDLE-AGED TEENS ON THEIR ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE IN MEMORY-
DEPENDENT CLASSES^{1 2}

Department of the little office often mistaken for a bathroom, next to the impressive office in the Fleet Center

The purpose of this study was to investigate the effects of sleep deprivation in 15-16 year olds. This also tested their academic achievement level in memory dependent classes (math and history). It is the opinion of this department that with increased sleep, the subjects will improve in there classes grade wise. The subjects were separated into two groups. The first control group X ( Who were allowed the average amount of sleep six hours) and and a experimental group, Y ( Who were allowed as much sleep that was required).
At the end of the semester testing period the subjects will have their grades from the semester before and the semester just completed compared to see if there was a grade change either positive, negative, or if there was no change. There was a grade drop in the students Y compared to the students labeled X.

Sleep has always played a part in how we perform as a society. It is the belief that with more sleep the performance of the human mind increases. When the minds performance increases the academic performance of the person increases. Empirical studies have substantiated these beliefs in part. Ackerman (1) showed that with increased mind activity the subjects are able to perform better on tests. In a related study Batman (2) found that when subjects do better on tests their grades in turn go up. But Chandler (3) revealed that more sleep showed increased brain activity.
These studies suggest that if the sleep of middle aged teens is increased the brain activity will be substantially increased, and in turn the academic level of the students will be increased in math and history. The purpose of this study was to examine the effects of the amount of sleep are sure to change the academic achievement of middle aged teens in math and, history.

B. METHOD

1. Subjects

Ss are 25 males and females from the sophomore class, and 25 males and females from the junior class that are taking standard classes at JFK School for snipers.

2. Measuring Instruments

a. Acme Time Clock. This clock is the highest in keeping time all the way to the minute.
b. Acme Grade Machine. This is the preferred instrument for grades it has the most accurate computing power to decipher whether an A, B, C, D, or F is higher.
c. Acme Brainwasher. This profound machine is excellent for the students you don’t want talking about the program. ⁴

3. Procedure

The first day of school the 100 students were chosen randomly by having serrated tokens placed in the lunch that day. Those lucky enough to join the program will report to the nurses offices, where they will be given a briefing on what they are going to take part in.
The students then were randomly assigned to one of two groups- an experimental group and, a control group. The experimental group would be allowed to have all the sleep that they required. This took place five days a week for one semester. They would attend school as the program allowed. The control group was allowed a average of six hours of sleep. And they would attend school as they would normally do.
At the end of the testing period the two groups would have their grades compared with the Acme Grade Machine. The Acme Brainwasher will be utilized at the end of the whole testing phase to protect against leaking information.

C. RESULTS AND CONCLUSIONS

After the semester of trials the grades of those who were allowed to sleep according to their need did substantially worse than the group of students that were only allowed six hours of sleep. This is ppartially believed to be in connection to the fact that the students “Y” did not show up to class during the remainder of the testing phase of one semester. The study shows that when an average amount of sleep is applied to middle aged teens they will perform better in some school classes than students allowed to sleep as long as they require.

REFERENCES

1. ACKERMAN, B. C. Mind Activity. Puerto Rico: Lobotomies etc, 1944
2. BATMAN, C. D. Higher Grades. Cuba: Bolsheviks R US, 1914
3. CHANDLER, D. E. More Sleep. Moscow: Political Cartoons Inc, 2120

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¹ Received in the Alligator Office on May 7 1984, and published immediately at Harvard, Massachusetts. Copyright by The Whacked Out Profit.

² This experiment was supported in part by the friendly Zamarchi Family Mafia granted to Alice Al Copper and Noah Blanchard President of Antarctica.

³ Requests for reprints should be sent to the address of the author at the end of the article. Note all requests will be ignored.

⁴ The Acme Brainwasher has been proven in some states to cause complete loss of memory, aim away from face.