Bathroom Studios

Published as a separate and in Bathroom Studios
EFFECTS OF BEING PROJECTED INTO A METAL POLE ON THE MALE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM¹
Department of Jealous Castrated Men (DJCM)

The purpose of this study was to investigate the effects of being projected into a pole on the male reproductive system. Twenty, Twenty-one year old males were chosen at random for this test. Before testing the Ss where given a physical by the same doctor. At the end of thirty-six hours each S had been swung or catapulted into a metal pole two times. After the second test the Ss were given another physical by the same doctor. Eighteen out of twenty-one Ss’ reproductive systems had been severely damaged.

A. Introduction

Football, baseball, and hockey players all wear cups to protect themselves from harm, but even everyday circumstances men do not have this protection. They are subjected to many hazards such as flailing limbs, swing doors and tree branches. Although there is one object that causes the most harm on the male reproductive system and that is a metal pole. Empirical studies have substantiated these beliefs in part.
Wayne (3) found the effects of metal yo-yo’s on the male reproductive system and MacDonald (1) discovered the effects of a wooden post on the reproductive system of males. In a related study Saggot (2) showed the effects of speeding baseballs, footballs, tennis balls, and wiffel balls on the reproductive system.They all found that all of the S had minor to no reproductive damage.
These studies suggested that a combination of all these factors would cause severe or complete damage to the reproductive system. The purpose of this study was to determine that if a S was swung or catapulted at a speed of twenty-eight miles an hour there would be severe of total reproductive damage.

B. Method
1.Subjects

Ss were twenty, twenty-one year old college seniors enrolled at Bringham Young University.

2. Measuring Instruments

a. Ford Velocity Scale . A scale developed by Saggot (2) is used by most major car developers and police forces throughout the U.S.
b. Macdonald’s(1) Twelve Point Flexibility Scale. This scale, ranging from 1, the most flexible, to 12 unmoving, was use to test the flexibility of the metal pole.

3.Procedure

During the Spring break of 1999 twenty bars were chosen at random. From each bar a S was chosen by random placing a sedative in a drink. Once the S was unconcosuois they were tied up, blind folded, and dragged off to a hidden research facility. Upon arrival Ss were given a physical and isolated from the other Ss.
After a nights rest the Ss began the first day of testing. Every S in a even numbered would be catapulted and every S in an odd numbered cell would be swung into a pole. All Ss would go through their own test twice and then be given another physical to determine the amount of damage their reproductive system had taken.
The first test was a miniaturized catapult that was used to launch the S into the pole from ten yards away at a speed of twenty-eight miles an hour. The second test was a body harness attached to to a rope that was held by a motorized swing and would accelerate the S to a speed of twenty-eight miles an hour and at a distance of ten yards.
After all Ss had under gone testing they were given another physical to determine the amount of damage to their reproductive system. Soon after the physical all Ss were once again drugged, tied up, blinded folded, and dropped off in a near by hotel.

4. Analysis

It was discovered that all ten Ss that had been catapulted into the pole had received complete reproductive system damage. As for the Ss that were swung into the pole only five had complete damage, three had severe, and two suffered only minor damage to their reproductive systems.This study shows that being catapulted into a metal pole it causes more damage to the male reproductive system then if they are swung into the male reproductive system.

References

1.MacDonald, Jake. Posts and You. New Jersey: Jane Doe books, 1994
2.Saggot, Ryan. Balls a Hidden Danger. Hawaii: Sports Monthly, 1996
3.Wayne, William. Yo-yos a Swinging Danger. Alaska: Anchor Books, 1997

Department of Jealous Castrated Men
Hidden Underground Facility
31257 SFLC
Middle of Nowhere, Area 51

¹ Received in the office of Bathroom Studios on February 10 2000 Laurce, Nebraska

² This experiment was supported by a grant from the CIA Bobby Nojonson, and John Peters